Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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