there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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