She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
