She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
