my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
