Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
