It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
