Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
