I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
