ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
