Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
