I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm getting married
To pizza
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize