Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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