The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
