I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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