If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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