my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I lost the right to judge tonight
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
