I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
