She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I look better un-naked...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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