She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
