By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
