Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
