We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize