Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
