I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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