Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize