You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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