i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
sex in a hospital.. check
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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