just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
