dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
