So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
