you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
