Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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