she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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