Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
