Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
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Threesome in a minivan. New low
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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