I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
