is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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