we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
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You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
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Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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