Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
