Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
