...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
