How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
