That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
