i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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