brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
