Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
