Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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