never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
