he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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