I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
