while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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