How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
