I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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