1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
