In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
