I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
