Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't notice because vodka
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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