This is not my ceiling
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
