I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
