please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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