that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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