he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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