He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
