i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
why is half of my head shaved?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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