at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
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