I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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