if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize