just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do vagina's smell?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
